it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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