I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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