I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
