Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
