he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
