guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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