News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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