I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
