In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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