Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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