When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
