I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
