I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
