I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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