There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
