Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I love having hate sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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