He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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