Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
