Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
