I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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