I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
