I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
