i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
