Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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