3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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