I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
