that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
