Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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