Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
