Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
