I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize