If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri