Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.