This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.