and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
