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one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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