you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted