I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex