apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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