He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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