if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
