You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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