the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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