i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
