I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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