So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
