the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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