where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
