Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
