So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
