Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
