god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
