I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
