I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
