redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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