i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
