its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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