can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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