He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
