i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
