As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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