Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize