Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
