And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
