Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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