actually, I'm a sock model
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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