please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
