I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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