I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
