I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
