Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
