he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
