If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
