Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
