I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
