It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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